The Only Exception
by andersex
Summary: For MissEllie14's St Berry contest: Rachel learns the real reason that Jesse went back to Vocal Adrenaline...and her whole life changes, but is it for the better? Love. Loss. Tragedy. New Beginnings. Will they pull together or fall apart? COMPLETE.


**Summary**: Contest Entry,  
Jesse tells Rachel why he _really_ rejoined Vocal Adrenalin.

Italics – Rachel Singing  
Bold – Finn  
Italicized and bolded – Quinn  
Underlined - Puck  
Regular – Everybody  
Bold and Underlined – Finn and Rachel  
Bold with **'s – Puck and Quinn

Regular with 's – Quinn and Rachel  
Regular with (())'s – Finn and Puck 

When New Directions arrived at Regional's 2011 Rachel Berry was shocked and somewhat horrified to see Jesse St. James in the lobby. She had been quite content with the fact that Regional's was going to be a drama free event with no Jesse, no baby drama, and nothing to distract them from their performance. They had prepared three powerful numbers that they'd worked on all year; Mercedes was singing lead on Happy by Leona Lewis as their ballad, and for their group numbers they were doing Thriller by Michael Jackson (along with some awesome dance moves that would put Vocal Adrenalin to shame) and The Only Exception by Paramore. She and Finn along with Quinn and Puck were taking the solos in The Only Exception.

"Rachel, is that who I think it is?" Finn asked curiously, not noticing the pained look in her eyes as she stared across the catastrophic lobby. She merely nodded and Finn tensed up, wanting nothing more to kick that Jesse kid's ass for hurting his Rachel. Even if it had been over a year ago, he knew that their break up was still something that affected Rachel deeply, even if she didn't like discussing it.

"Don't look now, but he's coming your way." Quinn whispered in her ear before jumping in front of her, acting as a one woman bodyguard. She and Rachel had gotten very close in the past year, especially since Rachel's birth mom had been the one to adopt baby Beth. Quinn and Puck got to see Beth as often as they wanted to, and Shelby never said anything about it; she understood how difficult it was to give up a baby. Quinn and Rachel had bonded over this and a somewhat random friendship had formed, surprising almost all of the gleeks.

"Hello Quinn." Jesse said politely as he strode up, peering around Quinn in an attempt to get a glance of Rachel. "How have you been?"

"I'm fine." She said coldly, giving him the darkest look she could muster. She knew exactly what he was capable of and she didn't want to give him another chance to hurt one of her best friends.

"I'm glad to hear." He said warmly, clasping his hands together in front of his chest. "I was wondering if I could speak with Rachel?"

"No. You can't." Finn growled from his spot beside Rachel, grasping her hand tightly in his. "She has nothing to say to you, choir boy."

"…that was quite possibly the worst slur I've ever had directed my way." Jesse said with a humorous glint radiating in his eyes, which, Rachel noted, did not look as gleaming as they had before.

"Jesse, enough," She said through clenched teeth before turning to Finn. "And you, I can speak for myself thank you very much. I am a mature young woman; I can converse with my ex-boyfriend without any profanities slung or insults directed. But thank you for your support Finn, and Quinn."

The two of them hesitantly walked away leaving Jesse and Rachel alone for the first time in over a year.

"I—"

"Not yet." She interrupted, silencing him effectively. "I have something I'd like to say to you first. I find it very disconcerting that you're here, especially since you're supposed to be in UCLA studying the performing arts not here in Ohio getting ready to perform with my mortal enemies."

"That's what I wanted to tell you, to explain to you." His voice was pleading now and Rachel couldn't help but notice all the changes in this Jesse from the Jesse St. James she had known the year before. His hair had lost the bouncy curls and they looked lifeless, like he had given up trying to style them. His lustrous eyes were now a monotonous green color and they lacked the energy and ambition that had fascinated her in that music store so long ago. His face was pale and his features were less defined, bags under his eyes and bruises on his arms making him look as if he'd aged 10 years over the year that they'd spent apart.

"I didn't rejoin Vocal Adrenalin because of how badly I was treated by all of you…I left because I was treated well." His eyes were pleading with her but his words weren't making any sense. She looked at him in confusion before he sighed and held out a letter which she took hesitantly.

"I've written it all down in there. Once you've read it, come see me. It will be easier that way." And with that he strode through the lobby and left, taking a part of her heart with him.

She looked over at her fellow glee-mates, who were staring at her questioningly, before running out of the lobby and bursting into tears in the parking lot

Nearly an hour later she sat outside on a park bench, the letter clenched between her fists. She had so many emotions coursing through her that she didn't know which one to go with. Should she be so furious with Jesse that she crumples up the letter and forgets he ever existed? Should she read the letter and take him back with open arms if that's what he wants? Should she forgive him? _Can she forgive him?_ With all these thoughts rushing through her head she finally came to the conclusion that she would be unable to deal with the Jesse situation until she had all the information, which meant that she would have to read the letter. Hands shaking, she unfolded the letter and started to read his beautiful cursive writing, which she'd always envied. She noted with a frown that the writing was smudged and crooked, which was very unlike him.

_Rachel, _

_There's so much I want to say to you and only so much paper in the world, but I have to keep this short because what I want to tell you, what I _have_ to tell you, should really be said in person. However I can't tell you in person as, primarily, I'm not sure you would agree to talk to me for more than five minutes, and I have to tell you everything._

_You need to know why I left, and why I did what I did._

_You may not believe this, but I did it for you. To save you from a world of pain that I knew was coming my way, even before I met you. To be fair I never should have allowed myself to become enamored with you, but there was something in your smile outside that music store that made me walk in, that made me realize that your happiness was worth more than my happiness._

_I loved you, and I still love you…that will never change. The only thing that changed was me, and that I was quickly running out of time. But I'm jumping too far ahead, you deserve to know everything, and I am going to tell you._

_Rachel, I was diagnosed with acute lymphoma two months before I met you, and after trying multiple treatments they realized that I was not responding to treatments. Even during our relationship I continued to undergo treatments but nothing was working, everything they tried was futile. I was dying._

_On spring break, when I said I was with vocal adrenalin, I was in Los Angeles trying out an experimental procedure that we thought was going to work. It was working. And then it wasn't._

_I was worse than ever, and I was unsure as to how I was going to hide it from you anymore, so I came up with a plan. I had to make you hate me more than I hated myself, and I knew that going back to Vocal Adrenalin and triumphing at Regional's would do that. I hated doing that to you, in the parking lot, but it was the only way they would take me back…_

_And the only way you would hate me._

_Watching you sing with Finn…I knew he could make you happy in a way that I couldn't, because I wouldn't be around long enough. He could be the male lead that you deserved, the doting boyfriend, potentially the loving husband. I would never get to be those things, and I couldn't drag you down with me. I couldn't break your optimistic spirit; it was bad enough that I'd broken my own. So I did the hardest thing I've ever done I my life, harder than all the treatments, I cut you out of my life. _

_And god did it ever hurt._

_I can imagine that you are very enraged right now; wishing that I would've just told you and you would have been there for me in the last year of my life. I knew that Rachel, I knew you. And I knew that you never would have been satisfied watching me die, you would have tried to do anything to stop it, and it would hurt you to fail. _

_That's why I decided to tell you when it was too late, when there was no chance for a comeback. When all my cards were played._

_I thought I could die without telling you the truth, but I realized that I loved you too much to have you find out from somebody else, somebody besides me._

_When I said that I loved you, it was a lie. _

_I love you._

_I still love you._

_I will always love you._

_Goodbye Rachel,_

Jesse.

She looked up from the letter, tears streaming down her face, before scrambling up off the bench and running into the lobby screeching to a stop as she saw the members of Vocal Adrenalin boarding a bus, probably going back to their hotel for the night. She saw her birth mother about to jump on the bus and she ran as fast as she could, barely catching up to them before they left.

"Shelby!" She yelled, trying to get her attention, resisting the urge to scream as the elder woman seemed unable to hear her. She knew that she would never be able to outrun the bus so she did the only thing she could think to do.

"MOM!"

Shelby whirled around in shock, having never heard anyone call her that in over a year. She was even more surprised to see a frazzled looking Rachel sprinting towards her, doubling over with her hands on her knees panting when she finally caught up with her.

"I need to speak with Jesse." Shelby gave her a strange look and opened her mouth to answer the question when one of the vocalists about to board the bus turned towards Rachel with a look of anger in his eyes.

"Coming to rub it in? Jesse graduated last year and without him you losers actually have a chance at regionals, not that we'll let you win." The kid scoffed and climbed onto the bus, not knowing how his words had shattered the girl standing on the pavement. She felt her knees start to shake as they threatened to give out on her, sending her cascading to the pavement in a puddle of misery. Shelby, sensing the distraught in her daughter, grasped her by the shoulder tightly and helped her back inside of the building.

None of the glee kids asked her what had happened.

She couldn't find Jesse before they had to perform.

When they took to the stage part of Rachel was exhilarated with the thrill of performing but another part of her felt wrong getting ready to perform, with Jesse out there somewhere. She couldn't help but wonder where he was, if he was okay, and if he was going to give her the chance to talk to him. She had cried for hours when her mother had taken her back to the others, but no one had dared ask her what was wrong. Quinn and Finn had sat with her in her room while she cried and told them everything, knowing that having that kind of secret weighing on her shoulders was something she just couldn't deal with on her own. They had both been very shocked but they hadn't said anything, knowing that talking about it wouldn't help any.

The only person that could help was Jesse…and she didn't know where he was.

Mercedes finished her solo, they did Thriller to the amused and excited cheering crowd and then the lights dimmed, and it was time for her moment.

She wasn't sure if she was going to be able to do the song without crying.

_When I was younger I saw my daddy crying  
and curse at the wind.  
He broke his own heart and I watched  
as he tried to reassemble it._

The song hit too close to home as she remembered a conversation she'd had with Jesse towards the end of the relationship, when he'd been slowly drifting away from her.

"_You know, I never thought I'd fall in love." He whispered quietly into her ear, pressing her petite body into him as he ran his fingers up and down her arm. She smiled softly and kissed him before asking why._

"_When I was really little my mother died, an aneurysm burst in her brain. I remember seeing how her death affected my father…and it was frightening. He was such a big man, strong, that it was hard seeing him in such a down trodden state. It took him many years to really start dealing with it, and I know that her death is the reason we aren't close."_

"_I thought you were close with your dad? said he spoke to him when you transferred here?"_

"_Mr. Schuster spoke to my live in caretaker, Giles. I haven't seen my father in three months; he spends most of the year in New York or Chicago. He doesn't really like being around me, it's too painful."_

"_That's deplorable! He's your father!" She gasped out._

"_Not really. Not anymore. Giles is more of a father then he'll ever be, or my Uncle Ted…he's always been there for me."_

**And my momma swore  
that she would never let herself forget.  
And that was the day that I promised  
I'd never sing of love if it does not exist.**

As Finn sang all Rachel could think about was Jesse, and how she'd thought that no one would ever truly fall in love with her due to all of the Quinn Fabray's in the world. They were the ones that got the boys, not the achievers and freaks like her. They never got the popular boy, the cute boy, the boy every girl dreamed of. Yet Jesse had been that boy, and for some reason he had picked her.

And she had picked him back.**  
**  
_Well, darling_,  
**You are the**only exception.  
You are the only exception.  
You are the only exception.  
You are the **only exception.**

Even though Finn was singing opposite her, in her mind it was Jesse. Singing all the things they'd been too afraid to express when they'd been together…before it had all gotten messed up.

She'd told her fellow glee club members that Jesse probably wasn't the love of her life…but now she wasn't so sure…

_**Maybe I know somewhere  
deep in my soul  
that love never lasts.  
And we've got to find other ways  
to make it alone.  
Or keep a straight face.**_

And I've always lived like this  
keeping a comfortable distance.  
And up until now I sworn to myself  
that I'm content with loneliness.  
  
Rachel felt the tears well up inside of her eyes as the lyrics of the song sunk in. She had let Jesse push her away, hadn't fought to get the truth, because it had been easier. It was easier to watch him walk away then to let him in close enough to hurt her…enough to make her heart irreparable when he left. As she sang the lyrics swam inside of her and she realized that she needed to find him, needed to make things right.

Jesse was no Finn, and he was no Puck. He wasn't the boy next door who would slowly sweep you off your feet and he wasn't the resident badass who would get you drunk and make sexual innuendos. Jesse was the kind of guy who would sweep you off your feet without you even realizing it with his soothing singing voice, charming personality, and boyish good looks. He wasn't the most beautiful boy in the world and he wasn't overly toned or tan; he was just Jesse.

He was pretty much a male Rachel…and she liked that.

**Because none of it was ever worth the risk.** **

Well you are the only exception.  
You are the only exception.  
You are the only exception.  
You are the only exception.  
You are the only exception. 

He was worth a risk; he was the exception. He was _her_ exception.

_I've got a tight grip on reality,_  
_but I can't let go of what's in front of me here.  
__**I know you're leaving in the morning  
when you wake up**_.  
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream.

You are the only exception. _[x4] (Rachel and Quinn sing 1, Puck and Finn sing 3, everyone sings 2 and 4)_

You are the only exception. _[x4](Rachel, Finn, Puck and Quinn sing 1 and 3, everyone else sings 2 and 4)_

**And I'm on my way to believing.**  
_Oh, and I'm on my way to believing._

The crowd cheered and everyone in New Directions bowed before exiting the stage, crowding around backstage where proceeded to congratulate them on a show well done. Rachel was searching around with her eyes when she happened to spot him, almost by accident. He was leaning against the wall watching her and when their eyes met he pushed off the wall and started walking away. She frantically moved away from the gleeks, ignoring their calls, before pushing through the throngs of people waiting to perform, trying to get to Jesse before he vanished from her view. She had almost given up until she saw stagger out a door, pausing to catch his breath. She crept up behind him and turned him to face her, not giving him the chance to run away. He looked shocked that she'd managed to catch up with him but he gave her a weak smile.

"Hey Rachel."

She wasn't sure if it was the fact that he said her name, or if it was how he said it, but the second he uttered the words she just dissolved into tears and threw herself into his arms. He held her as she cried into his embrace. She cried about his cancer, their breakup, what they could have had, the children they would never get to have, the marriage that would never happen, the career he would have had; she cried about it all until she couldn't cry anymore.

And then she was done.

"You are so stupid." She said, her voice sounding raspy from all the crying. He cocked an eyebrow and gave her his trademark sarcastic smirk, but she couldn't find it in her to find it annoying. She was just so happy to have found him.

"While I'm livid that you lied to me and cracked that egg on my forehead, I can't be mad at you." She said emotionally, looking up into his eyes. His smile turned into a frown and he gently pushed her away, turning away from her.

"Because I'm sick."

"No." She said, turning him around to face her and taking his hands in hers. "Because, despite all the reasons not to, I still love you."

"Rachel…" he was crying now, tears trickling down his face. She wiped them away tentatively before placing a timid kiss on his lips, tasting his tears mingling with hers. The kiss started to build in passion as he wrapped her in his embrace, kissing away all of their problems.

Finally she had to pull away due to a lack of oxygen, and she was afraid to ask the one question that was on her mind.

"How long?" She asked quietly, knowing that he would understand the question completely. He did.

"Not long." And after that, all talking ceased.

-

Time passed by quickly for Rachel, after the events of Regional's. The entire weekend seemed almost like a dream and even at present she couldn't remember much about it. They had placed first at Regional's, shocking pretty much everyone. Their presentation of The Only Exception had been the song to win it for them, and they were all proud of their performances. After Regional's they started practicing for Nationals, but Rachel's heart wasn't in it.

She knew that Jesse probably wouldn't make it to see her perform.

His health had started to improve after they'd gotten back together but after a few weeks it had started to deteriorate again. They had been lying in her bed together, limbs entwined, when suddenly Jesse had started to whimper in his sleep. His whimpering had awakened Rachel and she realized quickly that he was sweating profusely, and that his body temp was way over 100. They had rushed him to the hospital and he had flat lined in the ambulance, barely surviving the night.

Rachel had been terrified that he would die, that their time together would be cut short before they even got a chance to live.

So that was when she decided to skip the last month of school and go to New York.

"Daddy please, I have to do this. I have to do it for him. It's his dream, we need to do this." The 'before it's too late' remained unspoken, and was ultimately the only reason that her Dad and Daddy allowed the two teenagers to go to New York together. Even though Jesse was exhausted from the treatments he was determined to get a role in a real Broadway show, before it was too late. They went to audition after audition but nothing seemed to fit, until they went to an audition for Spring Awakening. They made the show as the leads, and spent an entire month rehearsing and performing before they had to go back to Lima and real life.

She was sad to go, but she was also happy to see her family and friends again. She also knew that they were relieved to see that Jesse was alive and doing better, almost had assumed that he would never return to Lima.

It was a few weeks later that Rachel discovered she was pregnant.

She cried for two weeks before deciding to tell Jesse.

He was determined, more now than ever before, to survive.

"…Rachel?" Rachel looked up from the catalogue in her hand into the eyes of her best friend, Quinn Fabray. She gave her a weak smile and motioned for her to sit down next to her in the cramped hospital room. Jesse had been hospitalized three days ago after passing out in the super market, and Rachel at 8 months pregnant had hardly left his bed side. The doctors said that it was a miracle that Jesse had lived this long, and that Rachel had to prepared herself for the fact that this might be it.

"Hi Quinn." She said weakly. "I'm trying to pick out a color scheme for the nursery. I wanted to do a blue and white theme but Jesse wanted to incorporate gold stars…and I don't know how to make them mesh well together." Tears were welling up in her eyes and Quinn knew it wasn't from the nursery themes as she enveloped her best friend in her arms and held her as she cried.

She didn't know how Rachel managed to stay so strong with her boyfriend, the father of her baby, practically on his death bed. She looked over Rachel's shoulder and noticed that Jesse was awake, a look of pain in his eyes. She knew that he knew his illness was taking a toll on Rachel, which was why he had never wanted to get her involved in the first place.

"I'm going to give you two some privacy," Quinn whispered into Rachel's ear as she stood up and smoothed out her skirt. "Don't forget what I said yesterday. I don't want you to have any regrets." Rachel just nodded and took a few deep breaths, knowing that she'd need all the strength she had to go through with her plan.

"Hey." Jesse said weakly, giving his best attempt at his trademark smirk. She resisted the urge to start bawling and clasped his hand in hers. "Hey to you too."

"What was Qu—"he started to cough, and Rachel helped him sip from a glass of water before he could continue. "What was Quinn talking ab-about?"

"I want to get married."

He gave her a blank look before bursting out into laughter, but the laughter was cut short as he ran short of breath and looked as if the laughing had seriously hurt him.

"Y-you're 16, Rachel. And I'm d-dying."

"I don't care." She tightened her grip on his hand. "I'm having your baby and I love you more than I love anything else in this world. Please, please marry me." He still looked uncertain and she turned towards the door as her parents, Jesse's caretaker and Uncle, and the priest walked in.

"I've arranged it all." She said matter of factly, ignoring the huge lump in her throat. "All you have to do is say I do." He smiled weakly and clasped her hand, smiling even wider when two golden bands lay entwined ten minutes later.

Rachel had left her husband's hospital room for less than five minutes, just long enough to go the bathroom, when it happened. She was making her way back to the room when she saw medical personnel running through the hall and into his room, dragging a crash cart behind them. She sped up and tore into the room just in time to see the doctor rip open his chest, preparing to use the paddles on Jesse.

Rachel screamed in horror and tried to move towards the bed, but found Quinn and Finn holding her from behind as she screamed in horror at the image before her. They charged the paddles and slammed them into Jesse's chest, causing him to lurch in the bed. He remained still, and the doctors seemed more and more panicked. One of them turned around to look at Rachel and froze.

"I need you to get her into the hallway. Now." None of the teens moved.

"NOW."

Quinn and Finn pulled a frantic Rachel into the hospital, eyes widening when they realized that there was a trail of blood in their wake. The doctor from before suddenly pulled out of nowhere with a stretcher and another team of doctors, that quickly restrained the frantic Rachel.

"Look after Jesse, please. I'm fine!" She pleaded, screaming hysterically at the doctors that were crowded around her.

"Ma'am if we don't get you into surgery now you are going to lose the baby!" The doctor snapped, causing Rachel to finally regain her composure.

"Quinn, Finn, go to Jesse please. He can't die. I can't do this without him." She started to cry harder as she was wheeled into surgery, leaving her friends to watch out for the most important person in her life.

When Quinn raced back into Jesse's room she halted to a stop, hand covering her mouth as she slowly slid to the floor. She brought her knees up to her chin and rocked back and forth as the sobs overcame her; taking her over.

Jesse was lying on the bed, eyes closed, with a blanket pulled up to his chin. He looked almost like he was sleeping, except for the pale stillness that had settled over him.

He had won the battle, but lost the war.

How was she going to tell Rachel?

They worked quickly on Rachel, and didn't have to deliver the baby after the surgery. She had never gone into labor but the stress from the event had almost caused the baby to die. If she wanted to carry the baby to term, she would have to remain completely stress free for the day two weeks.

Unfortunately for them, they were not aware of the circumstances circulating around this young teen mom.

"R-rach?" Quinn said hesitantly, stepping into her best friend's hospital room. The entire room looked scary and cold, nothing like the nursery that they had spent weeks decorating for baby boy Berry-St. James. This was quite possibly the hardest thing that she'd ever had to do in her life, and that included telling Finn that baby Drizzle was not his child. Finn clasped her hand in his and she swallowed thickly before walking into the hospital room, pulling her hand from Finn's.

She knew it would be better for Rachel to hear it from her, just her.

"How's Jesse? They wouldn't let me out of this bed to go to see him; it's infuriating…what?" Rachel had picked up the look on her best friends face; and she knew what it meant.

But she refused to accept it.

"Jesse is gone, Rachel. I'm so sorry." Quinn said softly, crying softly as she grasped her best friends hand in her own. Rachel wrenched her hand out of Quinn's and folded her arms over her chest.

"Have they moved him to a different room? I'll call the nurses station." She said indignantly, grasping for the phone that lay next to the bed. Quinn grabbed her hand and shook her hand slowly.

"Rachel, he's d-dead."

"No he's not. You're lying to me. He isn't dead." Rachel could deny it all she wanted but she knew, deep down in her soul, that Quinn was not lying.

The man she loved and the father of her baby…was dead.

"No, no, no, no, NO." She screamed, wailing at the top of her lungs. "It's too soon, it's not right. I need him! He can't do this to me! He needs to m-meet his s-son. He needs to see his—I need—I…" she started to sob uncontrollably into her hands, unable to control the feelings that were threatening to overwhelm her completely.

"He needs to—"she was cut off mid sentence as a gut wrenching pain ripped through her, causing her to double over in pain. Finn raced out of the room in search of a doctor as Rachel continued to howl in agony.

"Mrs. St. James, the baby is coming. We need to prepare you for delivery." The doctor said as she raced into the room, taking in Rachel's appearance. "We need you to calm down…the baby…"

"I don't care about the baby!" Rachel wailed, trying to stand up and get out of the bed. "I don't care about anything, just let me go HOME." She struggled to get free but was restrained by the doctor and Quinn.

"PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE" she screeched, knocking over the IV stand.

"Rach, please. You need to do this for him. For your son."Quinn pleaded, tears staining her cheeks.

"I CAN'T. It h-hurts t-too much! I d-don't want to do it. Not without Jesse. I need Jesse." She wailed, burying her head in hands as another contraction ripped through her, causing her to cry out in pain.

"The baby is coming, we can't wait any longer. I need you to start pushing Rachel."

"No. I c-can't. It's n-not r-right." She protested, screaming as another contraction ripped through her as she grasped the bed sheets tightly in her hands.

She couldn't have a baby, not without Jesse.

"Rachel Berry, you are going to have this baby. Think of Jesse, think of the man you loved, think of how he would feel right now. He loved you and he loved this baby! Don't let his death take anything else from you; don't let it take his son! He's a part of Jesse…and a part of you. You need to do this Rachel!" Quinn said as she climbed up behind Rachel, wrapping her arms around the sobbing girl.

"…b-but I can't. It hurts so much Q."

"I know, but you have to do it. Do it for Jesse."

"O-okay." She said through her tears, before starting to push. She continued to cry inconsolably while pushing as Quinn held onto her hand, helping her push through the pain.

It seemed like forever before the pain finally stopped and a beautiful cry echoed throughout the room.

"Mom, meet your son." The doctor said hesitantly, handing the baby to a still inconsolable Rachel. Quinn wrapped her arms around Rachel's neck, calming down the new mother, as they looked down on the baby that was a complete spitting image of Jesse, but with Rachel's mouth and hair. Rachel pressed a kiss to her baby's head and continued to cry agonizing sobs that echoed through Quinn's head for months.

Her grief was painful to watch; she couldn't imagine how difficult it was to endure.

The funeral was small, with only close family and friends in attendance. Rachel's dads watched the baby during the funeral as they both knew that Rachel wouldn't be able to handle it otherwise.

Rachel was to deliver the eulogy through song, their song; hello by Lionel Ritchie, but dissolved into uncontrollable sobs halfway through and had to leave the church.

Jesse's father didn't attend the funeral or make any attempt to meet his grandson…but he sent money, which Rachel refused to accept.

Rachel went back to Glee, but she wasn't the same. She could still sing, but there was no passion in her voice. All the passion she had in her was spent on Jesse Jonathon St. James ii, her pride and joy.

The only reason she kept on going after Jesse's death.

"Hey Jesse." Rachel whispered, tracing the outline of the letters on the tombstone as she knelt before it. She didn't care that the dirt was ruining the white dress she wore, or that the tears she had cried had messed up her makeup beyond belief.

"I miss you so much that it hurts." She whispered, blinking rapidly to try to dispel the tears. "I'm sorry that I haven't visited in so long…I've been away."

"I went back to New York, like we said we would, and I'm the star you always knew I'd be but…it's not the same without you here." She knelt against the tombstone and started to cry, unable to quell the feelings that were running through her. She still loved Jesse as much as she had the day they were married, in the cramped hospital room with just their family and the priest.

"I'm getting married again." She sobbed brokenly, caressing the tomb stone lovingly with her hands. "I don't love him as much as I loved you, but I love him enough. I'm tired of being alone and miserable; while I'm not in love with Noah…I love him as much as I can. He went to New York too, can you believe it? He wrote his own screenplay…you would have been so proud of him.

'Today is my wedding day…can you believe it? Jesse told me to tell you he says hi… he's already at the chapel …he says he's happy for me. Noah was there when he was growing up, he's pretty much the only father he really knows, but I can't help but wish that it had been you.

Why did you have to get sick? Why did you have to die? Why isn't life fair?"

"Life isn't fair because if it was, the world would be even more fucked up than it already is." Noah Puckerman said quietly, kneeling down in the grass beside his fiancée, who he knew was more in love with the rock before him then she ever would be with him.

And he accepted that, because the woman that he loved more than anything was gone too…even if she wasn't dead.

Quinn had cut him out of her life when she'd given up Beth, and at times that felt like a good thing; except when he remembered that he loved her, and their daughter.

"True."

"We have somewhere to be Rachel." He said quietly, extending his hand to help her up off the ground. She nodded grimly and wiped away her tears before pressing a kiss to the tomb stone before her, vowing to return soon.

"I love you Jesse, more than you will ever know." She whispered before kneeling back down, and whispering one last thing to the man she missed more than life itself.

"_I've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't let go of what's right in front of me here…you are the only exception." _


End file.
